I like to refer to the ego as ‘earthbound awareness’ as the term ‘ego’ has been tainted into symbolizing an aspect of the human being that is all bad and a part of ourselves we should not associate with. Nothing is all good or all bad, everything serves a purpose. The truth is that the ego IS the human being. We cannot disassociate ourselves from it. It is what tethers our soul, or eternal aspect, to this reality.
The ego, or earthbound awareness, is a necessary and unavoidable aspect of living inside of this world. Our earthbound awareness is only concerned with things that this physical reality is built on and thrives on. These are things such as fear, hierarchy, sustenance, possessions, survival (both physically and emotionally) and the list can extend further. But the primary aspect of earthbound awareness is fear. Since the physical body can die and the physical body is the ego, it is designed to fight, protect and survive. Our ego, or earthbound awareness, is our armour.
In ancient times earthbound awareness would keep us alive in terms of alerting us to dangers which in those days were wild animals and rival tribes. Then earthbound awareness had to develop further as time went by to protect us from religion and world governments who tortured and murdered people for not being obedient slaves in a societal structure that condemned free or individual thinking. As time went by your survival depended less on whether or not you were holding a sword or rifle and became more about how well you could fit in with the masses and be an obedient member of society. The ego, or earthbound awareness, developed and advanced itself to match this ‘programme’ in an attempt to survive. Think of it like a master computer, reality is a programme and as programmes advance so too does the operating system (the ego) need to be upgraded.
And so our egos upgraded from a level of using weapons and combat to survive to using all kinds of intricate emotional manipulation, narrative building and facade mastery.
Some people have become so masterful at these survival tactics that no one ever comes close to finding out who they really are inside, not even themselves. Some people have mastered these new upgrades to the human ego so competently that they have actually completely lost themselves in the physical world and the world of ego and are literally just managing the intricacies of their facades and narratives with no time for anything else outside of that.
There are masterful mask wearers in this world that are so good at the game they play that they don’t even realize they are playing the game anymore. The facade they hide behind becomes everything for them. Their egos have convinced them that the facade is the only thing keeping them alive and that without it they have nothing, not even a life. Their lives are built upon their facades and they will play any card at any price to protect that facade. They identify with the facade, or persona, as if it were the true and only identity.
In this reality today we find ourselves in a game of egos primarily designed for the purpose of survival. Intrinsically we still fear being seen. Being seen by the hungry lion or by the rival warrior or by the guards or by the clergymen or by the inquisitor or by the Gestapo or by, at this point, pretty much anyone… the ego does not know who to trust!
But wait a minute. Is there still a need for such a fear? Is there a need for this fear to be present in our current time space experience? Is it still possible for me to be burned at the stake for talking about energy and having crystals? Is the ego construct that we carry today relevant to our current experience?
The truth is that the ego is based on self-consciousness and we are moving into a new paradigm of universal-consciousness. There is no need to carry the same fears that we had before. There is no need to hide away and play the same games as before. There is no need to pretend to be lesser than or unimportant or to indulge in self-degradation to survive. Conversely there is also no need to indulge in self-elevation and pretence.
This is a time that is calling for truth, for honesty, for integrity, for rawness, for vulnerability, a time to shed all the illusions.
There is no longer a need to carry fear in order to survive, but rather there is a deeper and more meaningful existence in transcending the very core of the fear itself.
Our hearts are singing our souls home. Our true beings are being called to crash into us like the comet that wiped out the dinosaurs, so as to end the evolution and reign of the ego, to press ‘reset’.
Enough with the armour and the weaponry, lay them down… Lay down your judgements and your anger and your hatred and your avoidance of self and your unhealthy addictions and your predetermined notions of how everyone and everything should be and your condescension and your pretentiousness and your attachments and your superiority complex or your inferiority complex and your labels and boxes and rules and restrictions on freedom.
It is time for the removal of the layers that are not of true self but rather were constructed by the ego in its desperate attempt to preserve its very own essence, that essence being fear. To the ego fear is survival, without it you will surely die.
But deep down we know this is not true.
I like to think of this world as an intricate art gallery and we are all artists, and our energy is our art.
Life has dropped us into an already painted canvas and we are immediately surrounded by colours that speak and tell us that we are blue or red or grey or whatever colour they decide makes us fit in.
But we are not blue or red or grey or any other mediocre colour they want us to be.
We are something so electrifyingly unique and magical that
we actually turn this painting of dull grey conformity into a raging storm of
colourful passion and depth and actually threaten the equilibrium of this painting
we were dropped into. Does this mean we need to dull our colours to fit in? Fit
into what? An already full canvas of illusion and mediocrity?
Or are we here to realize that there is no one canvas to fit into… That there is no prescribed colour for each person, that we are here to anchor new colours and birth a new reality where your energy is your art… To fill the world with whatever it is that you bring to the table, without shame, blame or guilt… Without trying to fit in, without hiding, without silencing our voices, or dulling our colours or turning the volume down on the music that seeps from our veins.
We are all artists, and we are the paint, and we are the canvas.
If I gave you paint right now and asked you to paint
something, would you want to paint over someone else’s painting whilst taking
great care to compliment what they have already painted even if the image does
not resonate with you at all? Or would you insist on having your own clear
canvas on which to go wild with your colours and to paint whatever it is that
is bursting from your heart and soul?
It is time now to be colourful… Gift this world with the uniqueness of you. If you don’t fit in, good! Stand out… All the best artworks do!
You will rattle some cages of comfortable numbness that others are trapped in but you will equally inspire others to come out and birth their gorgeous, colourful alchemical magic into the world.
The ego is what tethers your soul to this reality and it can never be eradicated completely, but the size it has grown into out of a need to protect you is unnecessary and it can be downsized a thousand fold. Be the real, authentic, unafraid, powerful, bold, vibrant you! Your ego should play the smallest tiniest role in your life.
YOU are the one in control of this reality…. Not the fear and the protection mechanisms that you have become accustomed to.
It is time to birth our souls. Deliver your own soul into this world…. there is no more need for the womb, we have advanced beyond that. This is no premature birth, it is a post-maturation birthing… A birthing that is loooooooong overdue.
Take your first breath, I only in recent years took mine.
Cut the umbilical cord.
Slap your own ass!
Welcome beautiful soul to this reality called Earth!
My truth is transient always
Please don’t ask for my opinion
I can’t give you an exact statement of fact
I can’t join you in solidarity in a consensus trance as I see others doing
Supporting you in your justification and validation of your restricted reality tunnel
I can’t argue and poke fun in an attempt to enforce prescriptive normalcy as I see others doing
I cant challenge your authenticity and condemn your perceptions as incorrect
I watch you rally for support, hedging, pre-empting the constant change in your life
Boxing yourself in evolutionary emotional patterns of restriction
Dear Heart, I’m an isolationist by choice and my interior world construct is not for public feasting
My truth is transient always
One that I hope will continually evolve, transcend, seek and transform
Please don’t ask me to agree with your well-rehearsed sentiment
Don’t expect me to drown in the consumption of your neurosis
I do love your fire in the belly passion and assuredness that you radiate
I can see the personal experience you have had to formulate such a compelling cohesive argument
But know I always see the reflection in the mirror, the quiet afflicted desperation
The other side of the other side even when its uncomfortable and I’m in a state of denial
Please don’t confuse my lack of endorsement or collaboration as disapproval
I can’t be as sure as you as to an ultimate truth
My truth is transient always
I might choose to share where I am now in my exploratory journey
I might feel safe enough to express my vulnerability in my current experience of modality
I might even learn from your satiated reflections and you from mine
I can always offer silent comfort in your emotional quandary
I can always offer you my love unconditionally without having an opinion
I can always offer you a safe space for reflection or self-exploration
But I can’t validate you, that Dear Heart is your own souls path
I see the feedback loop, the energy transcendence and it always loops back to you, to me, to us all
My truth is transient always..
Oh, Brother Time, why do they think you are linear?’ the lost soul asked one starry night.
‘They fear the possibilities if I am not’ came the soft reply from the realm beyond.
The soul sat quietly watching the glinting of infinite life dancing across the sky. The breeze caressed her face and she felt a welling inside her to seek and understand.
‘So, after each life we progress forward in history?’ the soul enquired quietly.
The night stayed eerily quiet. The moon gazed down on the soul as she waited patiently.
‘You return to the whole that is source and then breakaway to emerge anew. To be born rejuvenated an exact whole in spirit as the one you were before?’ the soul mused aloud.
The silence of the night embraced the soul and she felt embolden to continue.
‘Do we drink from the river of forgetfulness, in a timeless quest to always move forward?’ she said raising her voice in a plea.
‘Yes and No, little soul. There is no forward just another time stream. You are never the same, you may choose to bring more of your star family essence or less as you divine the potentials ahead.’ Brother Time mused as he walked to sit next to the soul.
She stared at him in wonder, as the visage of a man engulfed in shadows came to sit beside her.
‘Can you tell me more?’
Brother Time contemplated before his husky voice permeated the night.
‘Have you contemplated that fact that I, time am in constant flux?
That I bend and flow and breath the energy of our Mother.
That your soul may yearn scenarios that the stars behold outside of chronological time.
That you may exit the matrix and re-enter years before or after.
That you could die in 2016, and be reborn in 1624 and then thereafter incarnate in 2202.
That you could interact with that which you were and are.’
The soul sat in contemplation. Above a shooting star raced across the heaven in a majestic display.
‘More?’ Brother Time asked.
The soul smiled and said, ‘Yes, always more.’
Brother Time smiled knowingly and continued.
‘The statement “do unto other as you would have done unto you”
Is most poignant because there will come a time that you will interact with that which you identify as you.
An almost perfect essence of the ‘you’ when you are not part of the conscious whole.
Contemplate that you are living fragmented multi-dimensional versions across time.
Sometimes unaware of the other, sometimes not, submerged in the drama of Now.
That you are history in poetic action, effecting cosmic change with every thought.
You are a small majestic spark of the Whole, but you are immeasurable in vibrational possibility.
That your sacred soul family is so tightly intertwined into the fabric of Earths evolution,
That you can tap into the wisdom of the ages with your very breath.
You are Déjà vu, serendipity, destiny and prophesy in infinite motion.
As your awareness grows, so will you draw those fragments across time,
To unite in a memory and conscious Now that spans the eons,
You are here and you are there,
You are existing in multiple energetic dimensions,
You are man, woman, child and other or more,
You are the persecutor and the lover, the light and the dark,
You are the Eternal Dragon and it’s time.’
With that Brother Time disappeared into the night.
~ Whispers of a shattered soul
Oh empathic heart, why so conflicted?
Why shy away from pain like a vampire from light
Constantly hiding, shrinking, withdrawing
Seeking desperately to avoid conflict
Severing parts of your psyche to elude pain
Your discomfort quite literally physical
Oh emphatic heart, all that effort
Your constant anchoring and breathing
In a struggle to construct walls to circumvent
The dis-ease shimmering like a visceral mirage in the illusion of life
Your body now a temple of ill placed sensations
Blocking the vital organ that is the soul
Oh emphatic heart, what do you see?
A fractured visage in a mirror
A silent masochist looking back
Confusion and anguish laces your brow
Pain seeping from your eyes
Your heart heavy with restriction
Your body imploding with unease
Oh empathic heart,
Give yourself permission to feel
Feel it all and ride the wave of planetary dissonance and you will see
That love is laced within the very thing you fear
Joy and fear are old lovers and best friends
Separated only by your perception
For that is the gift of the empath
You dear heart are an integral part of the membrane of the universe
It is through you that the Mother can feel
You are her living, breathing filter
Immerse yourself in it all
Liquid love, sticky fear, consuming joy, fiery anger
Judge not the sensation, for it all has value
Allow the ease and flow
Feel the liberation of release
The emancipation of self
The healing of all…
~ Whispers of a shattered soul
When you invite the beautiful mess of raw chaos into your life
When you yearn for a deep awakening and cosmic connection
When you wish to birth a dancing star
Expect the unexpected…
Expect the best arranged plans to be eviscerated
Expect your most sacred moments to be invaded viciously
Expect to have the blessedness of anticipation tinkered with
Expect control and the illusion thereof to be blatantly challenged
Expect unexpected crisis in the circles you hold dear
Expect to live more in the delicious NOW than ever before
Expect to feel an ancient hurt entombed in the cavity of your ferociously beating heart
Expect turmoil as the EGO fights this new unquantified turn
Expect to disappoint other, as you wade through the beautiful chaos within
Expected to feel incriminated, villainous and boxed in
Expect to feel other disapproval and expectations tangibly, clawing at your transcending soul
And then expect to rail against the dying of the light within
Expect to wail against system and the perceived injustice of it all
Expect your soul family and those you trust most, to affect your experience deeply
Expect to feel the tangible living beast of resistance within you coil in visceral tension
And then dear hearts, when you have stomped and screamed and released it all
Surrender… as your inner worlds collide, collate and create
Surrender to the divine re-birthing, find the calm in the ensuing pandemonium
Feel your body and soul intertwine frenetically as the separation dissipates
Feel the most sacred blessing of connecting with the paradigms of the unknown
Feel a new perspective emerge, where you viscerally feel that perfection is all in the eye of the beholder
With each perceived crisis comes the potential for inner reprogramming
Nothing happens haphazardly, there is a flawless chaos and synchronicity to it all
You are always, always in sentient co-creation of your outward experience
Love and honour those unconditionally that are in the furious maelstrom with you
Those that are in sacred service to your soul, thank them for the confusion
Acknowledge your pain, and theirs – marvel at the perceived brokenness
Acknowledge your response to any situation reflects the fight within
Feel it and embrace the expanding vulnerability of the cosmic heartbeat
Feel the dance of the eternal chaotic awakening of the soul
Understanding that every moment is an opportunity for growth
Understanding that chaos is the gift of the divine
And then trust, oh the ultimate initiator
Trust yourself, and the infinite within you
Trust in the perfection of the chaos that you have called
And then you call the labouring chaos forth again…
~ Whispers of a shattered soul
That which I covet and that which I detest are much in the same,
There is no real divide,
What today tastes orgasmic in its birthing,
Tomorrow seems dull and offensive in its normalcy,
The longevity of my episodes of sentiment, are infinitesimal compared to the powerful emotional episodes of my younger self,
Oh, I was savage in my hunt for the most historic sticky melt down,
So nimble in my reach for the giddy heights of ecstatic glee,
Now the vulgarian sitting next to me on the train hardly stirs my waters, as he spews his venom,
Once I would have bled, boiled and erupted with his evasive intrusion,
Today I librate in a morbid fascination, watching, wearing my best face of ‘whateva’,
The dark chocolate cake, the salted popcorn all still promisingly aromatic but falling short of its previous emotional bliss inducing state.
I read the most beautiful prose and when I get to the crescendo of the recital, I close the book…
I watch the most spectacular cinematic chronicles and when I get to points of immense emotional impact, click, I switch it off…
The simulated emotion sits uncomfortably on me like an old coat too tatty to wear out, but comfortable in its familiarity,
I’m no longer experiencing the calibrated highs and lows, I’m not feeding on the universal smorgasbord of oscillating emotions,
Authentic emotion seems out of reach often, other than within my own inner realms,
I’m annoyed, I’m living more and more in the grey, the world outside less appealing,
The mirage of reality fraying at the edges, the hologram waning,
The space between stop and go is insurmountable, I’m always at a crawl…
Awakening is an instinctual discerner,
Who must consciously choose when to engage, automation has ceased,
I now either fully partake in the expression unfolding even relishing the hellish drama, or I disengage into the solace of silence,
The silence that finds me trudging through the quagmire of my inner world more naturally, more often,
Navigating the darkest recessed of the forgotten depths of Me,
I am loving and hating the evolution of self, doing less, allowing more,
Often in a faux ceremony, all my disowned, dishevelled and distorted parts of my self being given a voice, even if just for an uneasy moment,
I frequently find I’m travelling through psychedelic worm holes and experiencing deja vu,
And the discomfort of emotional purging dims with each sweet immersion,
All the while navigating the busy- ness of my everyday life,
Living a life within a life,
Exploring the world within this World,
Within the infinite Me and You!
I feel fuller, there’s more space behind the personality, I’ve found a gateway to worlds…:
It’s a lonely journey… this separation from self, this weaning from reality…
The gut rendering dissection, the allowing of the taboo, it’s the truth telling, the self-exploration, the passion, the rawness and complete exposure of self!
But there is no other way… It’s the ickiness of being human, the awkwardness of self-discovery and mostly for me it’s about being bone chillingly honest with the one person that counts YOU!
Regardless of the outcome may you all be blessed to truly experience a love so deep that it's beyond logic and reason. The outcome is irrelevant beyond the mind of fear, ownership and control. The gift of experiencing ecstatic love stands alone in memory as an eternal mountain of passion in the generally flat land of conscious life. It will stand proudly as a sacred spiraling precipice in this current time and space. For those that can see this, even for just a moment, will see it dwarfs all conscious imprints and will be eternally burnt into ones soul. May you all be permanently burnt at least once.
And with full consciousness, without anger or victimization, truly and deeply may you understand the beauty of your often painful soul branding.
An experience that once appreciated and accepted for the momentary gift it was, may guide and inspire you always, in its perfect imperfections. Guided to deeper love as you open to deeper pain.
Leaving you in cosmic wonder to greater wounds of this existence, understanding that a little bit of God is hidden in them all.
How much of Him do you wish to know? How many dark storms will you walk towards to find the epicenters within?
May you just once glimpse the link between insanity and Divinity.
May you just once understand the paradoxical link between the seemingly different forces of perfection and chaos.
May you see why the beings that laugh the most are hiding the greatest sadness.And yet those that face the greatest sadness, find ultimate joy.
And for the rare heroes, may you, while filled with fear, dive straight into the illogical and terrifying recesses of the trembling and the aching of your hearts calling.
Your courage and madness will find reward
Following the scariest but most divinely connected compass of the soul, one whose call never stops, yet sadly over the years begins to whisper. Always shrouded in a fearful mist. A mist dark enough to keep even the bravest away. Guarded, like any treasure of substance would be. In plain sight it’s tucked away within.
A mist always hiding the very Sun we so crave on our coldest nights.
A veil covering the liberation of the dark and lonely.
Only these few crazy, heart driven souls may be shown the deepest secrets of the Divine. Like why it is that fortune favours the brave? And why a heart on fire can never be challenged or stopped by any mere mortal? Just as it always has been from myth to this current day. And why one purely passionate soul can change the world? As we have seen so many times. Unhinged men and woman collapsing societies and raising entire nations.
Sadly this is not the path for most, the frozen and scared beings of this world will slowly and painfully discover that the highways of the glorified mind, all lead to the same crowded place. A highly suggested social destination of logical thought, comparison and emotional compromise.
All safely arriving they find themselves nowhere.
This is where entire generations are cursed to live and die.
Where they will eventually confused and disappointed, take their last few breaths and lay down to share fates with billions of cold dead men. Men that like them, even before degradation was at hand, had a disability blocking ‘aliveness’ of any true kind. Eons before had the world begun to fill with safe grey souls.
In death all men are equally united, now simply by new things. Cold grey granite stone, very few with a courageous glow in an endless night.
Life ending, they lie down after a path that was mentally accepted and sound, but gasping out, when death knocks at their door they realise that travel to the grey slates all alone
Even if someone holds their hand till the very end, it dawns on them that they wish they left with the deepest scar and the most romantic brand.
They wish they left, regardless of the wounds, with their hearts on fire
Keep me dancing to the song of self acceptance and love. Let it drip from my soul into my body. Drifting free of judgment and misconception. We spend our moments singing to the wrong tune wondering why we aren’t fulfilled in our lives. It’s in the knowing through our experiences. Only when we start to explore ourselves to the deepest darkest points of what we truly want and desire, do we start to grow. We start to express what we want not what we think people want from us. We take back what was always ours. Our true magnificence, our souls essence starts to pour out of us with such a powerful flow, that it becomes surreal. I have been experimenting with myself and the deep depths that I run to on every level. Relentlessly I might add.. I have broken apart completely this week with extreme levels of emotion. We have to fall apart, to unlearn the bull shit we have been fed our entire life. There cannot be any form of growth without pain. So in feeling into my deepest suppressions and childhood trauma, it has created space for new adventures to take place. Don’t let people’s opinions shape your opinion of yourself. Self worth on this journey is imperative to survival. Gently moving forward with grace integrity and love. Head up weary souls. This shit ain’t just rainbows and butterflies. Remember there cannot be a rainbow without the storm. All in transformation. I search for more everyday, experiencing what makes me tick. All in complete gratitude in the necessary steps that brought me to this moment. Feel everything, the pain, the anger, the resentment, the love, the vulnerabilities life brings. That feeling your feeling in you chest. That is life force and that means your alive.. breath it in.. soak it all up.. live your moment.. love like there is no tomorrow.. let go of control.. explore more.. life is one crazy adventure.. might as well enjoy it!
Today upon awakening, I decided I would wear my imperfections for all to see. I am no angel, I am human just like the rest of you. I have great days where I feel like I am surfing my wave with grace and ease. There are days where I just make the shore. Then there are the days I am not proud of, the day where I dunked myself under every potential surf. The days where I’m impatient, short tempered, rude, judgmental, unfair and unkind… the list goes on! I am not perfect in any shape or form. I doubt anyone is.. I have moments when I feel I’ve got being a mom fully under control, I look at my boys with such appreciation and i am proud to be their mom. I push myself to limits that I’m not sure many could comprehend, but with that comes the flip side, I then become my own worst enemy. I question myself and my ability to be the best mom I can be, there are days where I am tired and overworked, my boys are wild and out of hand. My temper fluctuates. My patience is non existent, I literally want to pull the hair from my head. These are the days that haunt me, the days I could of done better, chosen a different method. These are the things I am not proud of. I love and live for my boys to the point where I forget to live for myself. I push myself to levels of complete burn out and then get annoyed with myself because I am not the mom I strive to be. Then I sit and realize that I am human and I need some time out, there is a lack of balance between work, family and my imaginary time out.. lol.. so today I wear my imperfections for all to see. Why.. because this is me owning them! I am trying every day, digging deeper into myself layer by layer. I aim to to be the best version of me, to not only change who I have been genetically programmed to be, to also be something my children can look up to and one day be thankful that they chose me to journey with in life. Then after all this, I wish to be the change, I want to change the world as we know it. No small task, I know right. But with every step I take, I know I get a little closer. I stand today displaying everything that makes me, me. I am owning all I am, there is no other way forward than through acceptance of the things we cannot change. I get another chance every day. In full gratitude and love for the journey that has brought me to this moment in time. Only love