Broken On The Inside

I watched a cripple man hobble past me in a very uncomfortable looking way, it amazed me he was even walking. I started thinking how the majority of our generation are also crippled inside. We are literally crippled and deformed inside, mentally and emotionally, plain and simple. The sickness of separation runs through our veins.
The hard thing about this kind of disability is that because no one can see it, they don’t believe that it is there. In an almost sick twist of fate our ultimate disability is hidden to those around us. We sometimes become so desperate to try and show, and express this pain, we try somehow to scream out. We try and hold up our broken wing that keeps us from flying, yet there is nothing to show.
This kind of disability is mostly ignored and eats away at our Souls. Some try look for attention in crazy ways, become drama addicts, even cut and hack at their very skin.)
Crying out for someone to see them bleeding internally.
Society tries to box and label them, making up new bullshit disorders and imbalances every month. Societies way of pointing the finger away from itself. Many souls lose themselves to addictions, suicide and desperate acts of attrition. I used to be one of those souls … I lived in the hell, while trying to be in what we call normality and civilized society at the same time!
No one taught me how we create our own reality, I was so deep into my own pain that I could not take ownership or responsibility as I do now. Little did i know that the more I focused on what was wrong with me, the more that experience unfolded. These are times of desperate screams in the night I would rather not relive.
Thankfully I started to control my creation eventually, after some rather comical turmoil.
Thankfully I found the strength to step out of the mould society tries to force us into as well, I began to forge my own path that many frowned upon. I am blessed to have found my healing and peace, yet I am haunted about how desperate this life can become. I see it in so many faces. With the love and empathy I now carry I do what I can to assist.
I don’t perceive that anything in life comes with any meaning, all life is actually meaningless in some way. Now before you get angry … another way of putting it, is that the meaning of life is to give it meaning.
You are the architect of the experience, as well as the narrator of the story. You decide what story to attach to the adventure you are creating. I decided to make my extreme insanity and suffering something that had helped me train to assist others in there later in my life. I do not perceive that this was true or not true before I made this conscious choice of what it is my life had been about for thirty years. If I had attached a different story to the events I had masterminded, my life would have a very different meaning and experience right now.
I ask you to ponder on this idea right now…
What story do you choose to attach to the events of your life?
Those who have eyes to see know that a powerful wave of love, healing and change is truly washing over everything! It brings tears to my eyes to see, even to be a part of it.
Yet sadly it is still too late for many on this round, I have lost so many brothers, seen so many friends fall. And on a planetary level, just the thought of what we have done to each other makes my heart break a thousand times!
Yet I have seen behind the seeming chaos, to the sheer perfection of how perfectly balanced all that unfolds truly is.
The love of my eternal soul has washed me clean now, I have let go of the old painful ideas and beliefs, the ones I gave meaning to now consciously serve me so well.
I still feel daily for those I see fighting the deep inner wars around me.
I hold a deep space of love and acceptance, devoid of any opinions of the behaviours you use to deal with your current pains.
I, as so many others do, hold space for you, while you learn to get that magnificent creation machine under control.
Just as you do with me…

Turn within.
We are all the same inside!

Nathan Raaths

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  • Maure Miller says:

    I stumbled across this by total and utter chance and it’s so powerful because of what I am experiencing in my life currently. Sometimes we forget that we all have our battles that we fight within in ourselves, even though we think we are alone in this. As a younger, knowledge-hungry version of myself (on 1/12/2008 at 12h10 – lol , I went to check) I drafted the introduction page of what I dreamt of being this thought provoking book… the opening lines being ; Is life really worth living for? Is it really worth all the trouble we go through?
    Is the journey we follow leading us somewhere and is that death?
    I asked myself this then, and to a certain extent now more – Are we just sheep falling in line? What is our purpose? Why do we feel pain so deeply? How do we attach a different meaning to certain events in our lives? Blind faith? The lie we tell ourselves that things happen for a reason? Anyhoo, what I was trying to get to is that I enjoyed this piece. It entices a new version of the story, but in the same breath it raised more internal questions.

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