Facing yourself : There is no greater war ( Ascension within )

I have always been so aware of how powerful  realities that lay hidden just bellow our conscious understanding are ! This is for the simple reason that from the day I was born and from my earliest memories I have been absolutely haunted and washed away by powerful forces and emotions within at every step of my journey . Even as a child I was sure I had arrived with some of the complex fears and emotions that I harbored and experienced upon arrival on this strange reality we now find ourselves in on earth . The enormity of the forces and issues that surfaced within me even as a toddler , had me even at that tender age convinced that I had arrived upon this planet with a massive history of experience and issues behind me . Having such thoughts as a child started a long series of really daunting questions that I found myself asking from way earlier than made the adults around me comfortable .

images (5)

Ironically the search for answers , although might have made my book-smarts and deep thinking very exaggerated , it never did seem to make what I had in plan for myself any easier . I have always lived in a reality where the forces and challenges that lie within me , just below the surface , have posed far greater influences and challenges on my experience into linear reality on Earth , than any event or perceived experienced that has outplayed around me in the physical world . The forces that have moved within me , lurking in the deep waters of my soul have always moved so powerfully , like massive tides shifting to a moonlight I could never see or understand . If there has been a moon of Control and order to the chaos and insanity that has often risen within my being I was never before able to sense the gravity of its nature .

images (2)

All I have ever known is that the reality that is the world of thought and feeling within me , has always erupted from my depths effecting every thought and action . I tried so many times to reason with the seeming senseless stirrings of my inner soul . I was so often disturbed by the force that created every aspect of my reality … a faceless monster of seemingly senseless torture always slowly cutting me apart ….. in what eventually seemed cruel mentally and psychic agony … a pain that I lived with for so long . The part that always absolutely baffled me is I was always so painfully aware of how the seeming senseless forces bled out into every aspect of my life .

I never ever felt like I was making choices based on what was going on outside of me , but always based on what was within . I have never been able to ascertain if this was just something strange about me or perhaps I was just more aware of how reactive we are to the emotions that bubble out inside us . Regardless its irrelevant , all that seemed relevant was that due to the fact that I felt very divorced from the source of the thing that always controlled my life … my inner world , I always felt a desperate victim to its influence . I could never see anyway that I had any control of these earth shaking and mostly negative fears and forces that I so often crumbled within me … many a night spent on my hands and knees begging for some aspect of sanity or temporary reprieve , I truly begged for mercy from myself , as it was myself that all this anguish poured out of, I had no event or outside source to blame . I had arrived with this sick feeling and nothing in the outer world could take responsibility ….. Alas for most of my what I would consider hellish journey , no semblance of understanding was ever mine .

download (1)

Just a few years ago I lived in a reality where nothing existed outside of trying to numb and cope with the waves of anxiety , loneliness , fear and confusion that washed within me . These are words I try use to explain my tormentor , but none do it justice . These last few years have been the most incredible awakening . Like a soul lost in the dark cave of his own mind for so long , I almost did not even notice the light and the beauty when it began to first flood back into my grey reality . I was a hardened war veteran of Earths reality and little or no spark remained .

This sounds like a very depressing blog entry , yet I always promised if I ever truly wrote about or shared much of my past reality , it would only be if I could ever make sense of it all …… a goal which had long faded across dark nights with myself and my lost soul . The thing that made me most lonely , is everyone always seemed to feel emotion based on something that happened outside of them in life , I was always the other way around … this might have been a point of perception I realize now ! The only other part of the story that is really needed to understand the fullness of what myself and my inner soul would like to share with you tonight …. is that what ever lay deep writhing me , scared the shit out of me , and my entire life ( and maybe everyone’s ) was constantly filling it with things to avoid how I really felt .

I would never ever consider that one day I would knock on the cupboard door purposely asking the dark wolf  if I could come in ! Perhaps it was all the cracks in my soul that slowly allowed the light to shine in … who knows exactly what triggered it , but what I do know was that it was a perfectly self orchestrated plan to bring me to the perfect eternal moment of now that I needed to be with the exact tools I would require . I know now today after much joyful council with higher aspects with myself that our greatest gifts and tools needed to fulfill our destinies are hidden by our greatest fears and affliction … in a perfect dance ! lady-tuts-035

No matter what situation life unfolded for you , it was the absolute perfect training ground for you to garner the special set of skills that you hoped to unfold later on in your life when you decided training was over …. when you decided to wake up from suffering and start the exciting chapter in the middle of your book called ” awakening ” Sadly most of us get so caught up in the training ( just as i did ) that we end up never turning the page of self pitty suffering and self degradation , we identify with the training so much that we start to forget our true selves and get lost in slow burn spiral till the end without the exciting part 2 that we all hoped for . The part where you take you power back and start living your reason for being here .

I lay in bed tonight trying to sleep and I suddenly became so emotional at the clarity and perfection that are now revealed to me about the journey I am on . I live in a reality now where the only thing keeping me from any level of truth is my inability to form the right question . If you begin to ask the right questions … the answers will come , and when they do soothing tears will swamp your tired eyes with joyful relief ! I now have some very interesting memories of my plans I had before I was even born here , and truly my purpose to writing this is to not to debate the validity of them … as my perceptions of where I came from or why ….. are irrelevant to outside scrutiny ….. my reality , is a island unto its own , not requiring any ships to dock for sweet outside validation . What I do feel the need to share is the perfectness of the journey that is slowly revealed to me on so many special levels . So many of us are actually at the completing stages of our journeys , our journeys into form and bodies have almost run full Circle .


The length and enormity of the adventure that some of us have embarked on will give you goosebumps when you begin to unfold your own stories each one ….. a journey that can only reveal its true scope with the quality of the questions you begin to pose your inner self . Massive experiential and exploitative journeys into the world of form , tasting and experiences endless cascades and versions of that which we are not ! And eons down the line , just as with my journey. The absolute perfectly timed inbuilt safety measures are beginning to kick in . The light within you begins to stir , the signs are everywhere . Your eyes begin to slowly open and reveal a completely different reality to that which you found yourself in only days before . And your heart begins to scream at you that it is time to go home . Time to go back into the light , the light that is who you truly are , the light that is within you !

Slowly through the most perfectly planned itinerary , every conversation , every book , every article , slowly begins to teasingly lead you to the new reality that awaits you . The reality that is oneself Unsure of what lies ahead , driven by the need to leave the separation and disappointment of what lies behind you … you push forward , asking ever bolder questions and demanding clarity by any means ! This is the most incredible time in history as many of us have played part in so many countless scripts , on so many different teams , often on different sides of the perceived morality and wrong and right fences . Like a seasoned actor you have cast yourself in countless roles and perceived the world of 3d from every possible angle . Your journey now draws to a close , every part of you senses that something is different , something is changing . Half the world thinks that the world as we know it ended recently , and others say that nothing happened . If you have opened you eyes and found yourself wiping them in disbelief , it is time to prepare for the journey home … even if you choose to stay in form , the journey is made within .

You and the deeper aspect of your soul ( the timeless higher part with its full memory in tact ) have planned this journey to perfection . It is time now to begin to wrap things up . It is time to lay down the old and start with the new . This is no small feat I tell you , harbored within you , even in your very cells , lies more repressed emotions, dormant fears and pains than most of us care to remember . For although this journey has been a magnificent adventure , even beyond what you hoped it would be when we all planned it …. it has not been easy , it has not been easy at all . Like all great adventures we are bruised and battered and many of us although filled with great stories are deeply scared . The most beautiful part of the journey lies ahead now for those that have chosen to awaken , the mere thought of it gives me goosebumps ! This is the part where we re discover our true essence , this is the part where we reconnect with our true eternal reality and even memory . This is the part where we tap ourselves on the shoulder and remind ourselves that it was just one magnificent game . Naturally the game has been going on for so long that many of us will spend years slowly weaning  ourselves away from the fears and limitations that we excepted as fact, the ones we are so addicted to ! The processes now is magnificent …. the airport doors to re access you higher selves and guardian angels are now open to all that choose to awaken and reconnect .

images (4)

The airport doors lies open , and the brilliance of the merge between your earthbound personality and your eternal essence is beyond words … and different for each person . As it is your journey and like each great story , you have written in an ending that will leave you breathless , just like I have in mine . This airport door stands open for you to reconnect with your eternal self , your journey into separation is almost over . Yet although you can immediately commune and seek guidance from your higher aspects such as I have , before you can truly begin to merge , one magnificent task lies before you . Its time to clean house ! And I shit you not its messy !

When you decide to ascend in consciousness , when you decide that you have experienced yourself in a segmented point of view for long enough , you have to first purge and heal yourself of all the emotional shrapnel that lies within your scared body and mind . Like a airport of any value , a great security door stands before it , each time you try and merge with the greater you , it beeps and blocks you for you can not go into those higher worlds with all this hidden and suppressed pain , fear and experience . All aspects of you must be brought into the light of acceptance and love ! So that you can continue into wholeness ! Nothing gets left behind ! This is the part where you need to prepare yourself like a warrior meditating before the final showdown . This is where you must face you final foe ….. yourself !

The first step is to realize that you angels and higher selves have gotten you to this moment in time …. so if you realize how perfect this journey ( that you co-planned all along ) was , then you will relax and realize that all you have to do is allow the process to unfold . As the vibrations and frequency in your body rise , slowly but surely in a cathartic process all of the old stuff will slowly be brought to the surface . Unlike before , this will not be to test you , this will not be for any other reason that coming to the surface for healing and release . As you tune in stronger and stronger with your new wisdom and internal reality , you will make more and more powerful daily personal choices , from diet to lifestyle , to company … all of these will aid in the heightening of the process and the natural raising of the frequencies that reveal you true abilities ! Although some awakened souls may heavily judge themselves and think they have backslid-ed because of the extremes of emotions and behaviors they have been exhibiting of late , they need to realize that this chaos and this messy process , is a great gift of final healing . An should not be judged to harshly !

A very loving part of me yearns for me to encourage all that walk this path , and to gently tell you that this war is not like the others . This one you will win ! For the rules of this reality have truly shifted for those that are ready to realize . Every single war you have ever lost or being victim to , is now yours to be taken . Every single battle field that you can take within your soul , will leave you standing victorious . And with each painful victory , the being that stands victorious becomes more and more the true you … slowly as you purge yourself , your true self emerges , as with each issue that rises within you for healing holds within it a part of your true self that has long been lost . Each lost part of yourself bubbling to the surface for re-integration gift wrapped in sometimes difficult emotions ! Each day , close your eyes and stay quietly within , connect to your higher aspects , even if you do not at first hear there voice , you will certainly feel it . You have super powers now , and every cheat code imaginable is your for the taking in this game…. you just need to know what to ask for !

The process will begin naturally , and the Topsy turvy process will often throw you life all over , people find themselves making life altering decisions and completely shifting priorities on every level . And always what is required is loving acceptance of what ever issues or feelings that arise and bubble up into your screen of awareness , the journey has been long , and some wounds are deep . Allow yourself fully to accept every part of your journey without exception , embrace all parts of your soul , lest they would go back below the surface without been healed again . Embrace every aspect of yourself , let go of all self judgement . You know you did the best you could .


Your darkest hours where actually you finest moments , for the simple reason that they are the events that led you to the realizations that awakened you . Your journey into darkness , gave the light credence and substance ! Do not reject or ignore any part of you , for they all played a part in the adventure , they all are needed for you to be in a state of eventual oneness ! I live in a crazy beautiful world right now . A world where there is energy and colour around all things , a world where my body is not where I begin or end . I live in a crazy world where I don’t perceive myself as ever having begun , or ever going to end . I live in a reality where I openly talk to other parts of my eternal self . I live in a reality where awareness slowly expands more and more each day , revealing more and more of a universe more complex and colourful than imaginable ! This is my own world ….. no one needs except it. Your understanding or acceptance of it does not alter my experience ! My suffering is over and as the healing process progresses , as state of peace that was always illusive to me slowly unfolds ! I am at the completion of a journey that will be spoken about for eons .

I am often like tonight very troubled and labored by the emotions and issues that slowly rise to the surface for healing . I am slowly emptying out my cupboard . It is such a different feeling now , I can feel that I despite the discomfort and Topsy turvy world , I am healing faster each day . And where I once cowered in the dying light afraid of the dark wolf in the closet . I am now knocking asking him to come out . Anxious to meet him fully ! He has been a part of me all along , wanting to come home . Crying for acceptance. I am no longer a victim to the forces within . I am riding the waves of healing , each one brings me closer to the airport door that I know speak through . I am ready to face myself , I am ready to face anything Blue-eye-eyes-8326071-800-600

For there is nothing in that cupboard that I did not put in there , on this perfectly planned journey into Duality . I am honored to have shared my path with so many great sleeping souls . As I watch each of you awaken , I am daunted by the quality of eternal company I keep . Each day things are clearer , each day the answers make more sense . I am honored to help guide anyone else who is going through this great change . I will help you in anyway I can , truly I will only guide you back to yourself , which is where the light of the world and the answers that unlock it lie .

An for those of you that are not sure yet which is real , the world outside , or the one within … close your eyes in gentle prayer or mediation tonight and allow the love and connection that waits you to begin to unfold . I have awoken in a crazy beautiful world where the great guides that have always helped me , and the strange forces that have led me astray , are all magnificent parts of myself … a great story unfolding ! I don’t want to ruin the end for you ……. besides I doubt I could Each one will re find God in his own way ! Are you ready to face yourself You can continue this journey as long as you want , but if you are ready to reconnect to eternity . The doorway within is open and your angels hand outstretched !

The part you know as

Nathan Raaths


seeking god

  • jan Grobler says:

    Wow! Nathan! Thank u SO much for sharing this unbelievable journey! I am right at the beginning of this awakening and it is scary as hell at the moment! Thank you for showing the beauty as we take the journey!!! This is exactly what I needed at this exact point in time! Thank you and enjoy the rest of your journey my brother!

  • >