Love and Broken Hearts

Love and Broken Hearts

I mean this really gently and sadly, but I can’t help thinking that the love that many people describe to me sounds a lot more like ownership than liberation. Love is the most powerful force on the planet and it does not create fear based thinking like jealousy and control. Those are forces that come from a perceived ownership and control of another human being.
On an even sadder note, love is not conditional, it is not something that you can just switch off, if your love is gone now that you have broken up it simply was not love. If you are not sure if you are truly experiencing a higher form of love think about anybody you ever told that you love them no matter how long ago, the mere thought of thinking about them should bring love to your heart. If immediately you find yourself justifying angrily that that person destroyed your love, I am afraid I disagree, perhaps they hurt and destroyed your version of happiness and control of a situation with another human being. Love is eternal, gentle and kind. Now granted sometimes you might, through love for yourself and another person, be forced to walk away from each other, but that will never be able to affect the fact that you truly love that person and always will.

Amazingly enough when two people are screaming at each other, hearts torn out at an end of a relationship, all I hear them scream is “YOU NEVER MADE ME HAPPY AND I HOPED YOU WOULD” The situation might outplay in a thousand different ways, with blame laid all over, but its nearly always the same. We are so empty that we constantly look to other people to make us feel special, fill us with meaning and to tell us we are beautiful. Even more revealing is 98% of people that have a broken heart are the ones that were rejected. So logically if you approach it fearlessly you will realise that is the act of rejection that we cannot deal with, not losing that person, and in trying to deal with this horrific emotion we lose all perspective of who that person really was!!!!
No matter how hard you try, if you have a hole inside, nothing that anybody else does can alleviate it in the long run. The irony is that only when we are finally ok with ourselves and feel absolutely no lack of anything in not being completed by another, are we probably ready to have a successful and truly meaningful relationship for the first time. Incredibly enough this is the first time we could deal with rejection and thereby have the power of being able to truly perceive a situation when difficult times arise!
As I once wrote, I don’t want to complete you. You must have your world and I must have mine. Then we can hold hands as we can explore each other’s universes.

Every single relationship helps us grow in some way, but perhaps we should throw this generic love concept around a little less.
You truly can only experience a higher unconditional love for another being when you feel the same way about yourself. Until then it is all the shades between constantly reaching out and teaching with each tear that runs down your cheek!
Maybe it’s time to spend some time alone first, so that you don’t end up alone. Mark my words, your relationship with another person will never surpass the one you have with the person in the mirror! And no person will ever respect you more than you do yourself !

Nathan Raaths 

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Nathan Raaths

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Faye - 5 years ago Reply

Nathan I felt that piece literally spoke to me, I honestly cannot agree with you more… My whole 30 years (there’s me giving away my age… I must trust you..) I have always tried to seek my worth in someone else, I have tried to figure out why I am so alone, why does nobody want me? You hit it on it’s fat head… Because I’m seeking and measuring my ‘adequacy’ by other people… And that’s a lonely place to be… Thanks for the good and sound insight, I truly connected with it as I honestly have never wanted to ‘be someone’s universe’ I’ve only ever wanted to share theirs… The tears, anger and rejection I have felt and still now at this age…! I almost feel embarrassed that I don’t have a husband and 2 kids… I feel like an outcast, but like you said, maybe when I start letting go and loving me then perhaps things will start to be more positive! Intelligent and truthful thoughts! Keep them coming!

Pam Law - 4 years ago Reply

For the first time in my life i am finally learning this valuable lesson. Since i was literally in school and started dating, i would jump from one relationship to the next. Never giving myself time to just be with myself. always trying to find that person who would make me feel happy. Its always awesome in the beginning, but then it just all falls apart as quickly as it started. Ive been through hell and back and i finally FINALLY see that its myself i need to be happy with first. And strangely enough when meeting people now that show interest, i just keep saying, I’m not ready. I’ve never felt that before, usually i would latch onto the next person and dive right in head first. Its been 4 months now and I’m living on my own for the first time in my life. And I’m LOVING it. ok yes, sometimes i feel lonely, but I’m starting to get to know me again and what i like and what i DONT want. i used to hate being alone. now, i actually sometimes can’t wait to get home and just be with myself (and my 4 furry kids) i know that i am finally starting to feel worthy. One day at a time! 😉 thx for this post. It really hit home.

Nirvana - 3 years ago Reply

This was so beautifully written – a feeling with such truth in ones heart. You wrote exactly how I feel right now in my journey that I could have never put into words. Thank you Nathan

Nicci - 3 years ago Reply

Wow! Wow! Wow! So very true.

You can’t expect anyone to love you until you love yourself.

So beautifully written.

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