The Dark Night of the Soul

If I am awake why does it feel like my world is falling apart ?

One of the most heart breaking things a person can experience is the feeling that they are finally awake and in control of their lives, only to find that everything seems to be falling apart all around them.

So many brave souls surrounding me have begun to wipe the sleep from their eyes and slowly begun to awaken in the middle of the dream that was their life. From the moment that newly cultivated self awareness begins to grow, we all know that our lives will never be the same again. Where once we only saw injustice and victimization at every corner, a new version of reality begins to unfold before us. A reality in which we create on some level every single experience that comes into our lives. Slowly a very scary lonely ‘dog eat dog world’ begins to give way to new eyes. Eyes that see the beautiful underlying connection in all things. The world begins to whisper its once closely guarded secrets anytime you will take the time to listen. The sheer perfection of the life journey that you planned and executed behind you, fills you with awe and where you once judged many of your decisions and experiences harshly, you now see the perfect interwoven tapestry of experiences that slowly led you to your moment of gentle awakening. And you realize that each experience was key in reaching this moment of clarity and this unique version of truth you know behold .

How do you know that you are awake ?
Well let me ask you why are you reading this mans words, much of these conversations barely qualify for sane from a certain perspective. Then why is it that you find yourself drawn to conversations such as this ?

The answer is simple, you are awakening and slowly and gently a new kind of logic, a new kind of common sense is going to silently slip inside your every thought and action. Slowly things that seemed impossible or far fetched seem absolutely logical. If you surrender to the process pretty soon all things are spilling out their secret divine intelligence to you as well as constantly bathing you in love and a peaceful sense of well-being.

Everything just seems to start making sense and your life has a sudden meaning and purpose that gives you goosebumps at the mere thought !

You start to live fearlessly and just when you think nothing could ever get you down again ……
Then it happens !
Your whole world starts coming to pieces

Within days you find yourself reeling back, questioning everything, moving into a state of fear. It does not take long and you start feeling the sudden rise of anger, like a soul that was taken for a ride. You cant believe that you fell for that shit .What was I thinking? I must have been under some sort of spell, everything just made so much sense and my life suddenly had such synchronicity. And then my castle came falling down ! And now I am lying with my face in the mud so disillusioned about everything …. nothing makes sense.

At this stage we need to push pause, lets slow the boat down here. Lets take a few deep breaths and connect to what is truly going on.
What you experienced was a very real thing, your awakening is a massive accomplishment and will always be seen as the turning point in the beautiful reality that will unfold for you. You have many teething problems to get through tho.

You finally began to become aware of the true processes in your life. Where once you only saw non nonsensical chaos, you began to sense and string together entire themes and lessons repeating themselves over in our lives. Your awareness even if highly resistant is clear on what keeps repeating.

A higher part of you has given you a gift which lives stronger and stronger through you as you awaken. The gift which it has given you is as a massive encouragement, it has taken you to a summit in the drama you perceive as your life. It has given you a myopic overview of all things, it also instills you with the sense of well being that you are capable of embodying daily. It gives you these experiences to show you how very real the the experience of ascending your consciousness or of expanding your awareness is. It gives you a taste of your self as a limitless being. It lets you taste your eternal perfect nature .

The limitations of your previous beliefs and understandings out the way, you feel in your heart that you are ready to soar, ready to take to the skies as a limitless being .

You will slowly awaken to your own personal truths of how long this journey of awakening as been in the making. One thing that will be clear is that you have many experiences stored inside the cells of your being. Such is the nature with all great journeys, you are not without your battle scars. We all have many many suppressed fears and painful experiences that we have pushed below the surface in the constant battle to survive in this reality. We have so many wounds below the surface that lie there dormant waiting for the final release into the fires of transmutation and self forgiveness.

We start massive explosions of atomic and soul particles each time that we re-affirmed our awakening and our intention to further do so. The mere intention of wanting to re-claim your sovereign right to be free once again and experience your limitlessness once more sends a massive ripple out into creation. These atomic explosions create a chain of events that will soon manifest in your life as experience.Often referred to as the dark night of the soul. You are creating the exact experiences you need to transcend and grow, to take your awareness to the next level. These are the powerful forces you put into play once more when you re-ignite the light in your heart and bring the colors back to your dreams .

Picture newly awakened souls standing at airport excited to board the plane and soar to new levels of ability and awareness. Yet each time you try and step through the security door a beeper goes off and you are ask to step aside.
The new frequencies that you are going to be able to hold into your body, the new levels of light and understanding that you wish to hold, can not exist in the same space as all the old baggage that we carry.  Almost like a body that decides that one tequila is too many, through an almost purging action, the body brings the stomach contents up into the outer world for release and cleansing.
In a cathartic experience a wound must be brought to the surface for it to be able to heal. So many issues and insecurities and deep seated pains have been lying in the dark of your subconscious. Gently crying out for the light to fall upon it, for your acceptance. Willing acceptance in how it played a part in your journey, and through this acceptance it will transcend into the light.

If we go back to our story now we can imaging how confusing this can be to the soul who was feeling so absolutely connected their own higher purpose and spiritual calling. And suddenly it seems like everything starts crashing down.
Amazingly enough this concept ” Dark Night of the soul ” is your final frontier towards self liberation.

We have so many preconceived ideas of what it will be like to slowly become enlightened the last thing we expect is this Topsy turvy world of crazy emotions and events. The last thing we expect is to be brought to our knees while we are stripped of illusion.

We almost think we are above the behavior that we begin to exhibit and we feel almost angry with ourselves. Perhaps even disillusioned when old habits and patterns start repeating in our lives. If anything we are convinced that we are backsliding.

Now the reason we put the whole story on pause is to try and share an awareness with you .
As the world falls apart at your feet we want you to suddenly realize that this is your soul breaking free. You have asked for your souls true nature to break through. You have been lost and empty for so long, now you have invited your higher self into your world.  You are tired of experiencing everything that you are not. You are done with limitation and you are done with fear.  You ache to step into the eternal, so the eternal “you” begins to join with your old isolated understanding of yourself .

Slowly but surely you begin to merge with the greater subconscious of your higher self, the aspect that you always perceived as your guide or angel  slowly begins to merge with you.

The destruction that follows is a natural order of things. Lets consider that your personality is an ego construct of who you think you are. Your personality as you understand it has been in charge most of this lifetime and it believes that you begun when you where born. It thinks that you are the sum total of your earth experiences. Your personally is built in a linear scary world and therefore its priorities and goals are very fear based. The ego construct wants and desires things out of a very limited perspective. Its no wonder that when the beautiful over-self , or the higher expression of the true you begins to merge with you,  that all hell breaks loose .

The higher self has a far greater understanding of who you are in an eternal sense. It has the blueprint of your true god identity and path clear in its awareness. When it begins to merge with you a clash of wills takes place, an epic clash of goals ensues !

The higher self ( being the unlimited, peaceful ,loving, eternal, all knowing part of you) begins to intercede in your daily life. It steps in and begins to re prioritize the things that you once thought were important. In a upside down world where left becomes right and up becomes down, you find yourself throwing away entire life scripts. Turning your back on major themes, people and even dramas that once defined who you thought you were. A complete reinvention and re-birth takes place and no fear based goals and priorities can remain standing. Out with the old, for the new frequencies to take hold a total re-assessment of your life focus and priority will go down .

To make the experience more extreme many of the life tests and themes, from addictions, relationships  and even emotional problems will revisit themselves on you in an emotional onslaught. Absolute extremes, avalanches of intensity so that you can no longer hide. Powerful tides that rip at you until you are forced, by yourself essentially, to let go.

Before you despair tho something amazing happens. If you can approach each new situation with your freshly gifted awareness and eyes, one soon notices that you have soul super powers on every level. Were before in each theme you had known only defeat, you will emerge the victor from each battle you run into.

You will no longer lose the inner war that has broken you so many times. You no longer fight as a separate limited being , you have your eternal essence directly involved and energetically supporting to tear your self created prison down .
Were you have been for eons on your knees as a broken soul, you will rise covered in mud and dirt. You will rise victorious after the darkest night with the sense of the immeasurable soul power you now posses ( after all your true self has merged with you )

You soon start to realize that you can’t lose, and as each life theme and problem surfaces you transcend and transmute each fearlessly. What would have taken thousands of years can be reprogrammed in a space of a year or two.

Slowly you will bring each theme into the light. With loving acceptance you will learn to love each part of you. where once you hated parts of yourself you will now realize that you are the perfect some of it all. To truly be wholeness means that all parts come home. We do not get to pick and choose aspects of ourselves we want. We merge all in a deeper integrated understanding.

If this is a place you wish to know or have already begun to walk, I suggest you strap yourself in for one extreme adventure !

And in one beautiful stunning twist, your new soul, the new super you, leads you to the final gift it has for you. The one that you have waited for and ached for for so long .

Through the chaos of what seems to be your world falling apart, you slowly walk yourself into a very lonely and isolated corner. Pushed in desperation and screams until one night something special happens. You so desperate you turn within

You are forced through this experience to stop looking for truth and answers outside yourself. In the ultimate gift, you officially go online as a lighthouse of  freedom in this dark world. The day that you truly turn within , the day that your world goes inside out. You reconnect with the eternal wisdom and truth that is now behind your eyes. Your release general consensus and once appealing logic into a safe powerful space of deep knowing and feeling.

You become the only validation and truth you need. And the eternal unlimited version of you begins to unfold as an expression through the human physical you. What you perceive yourself to be now has greatly changed. The illusion of separation is not your reality anymore. You live in the eternal now, where all things are one and in a perfect dance of expression with each other.

There are no others

Within no time at all people will not even recognize this new person who has literally shed their skin into a new being! Reality will never be the same again for you did what few can. You challenged yourself, you faced your own demons. You walked a lonely dark road and you found the rest of yourself at the end !

Looking out the window on a rainy day it suddenly dawns on you that you will never be the same. Your old priorities, focus and goals, even what you used to think were friends, might now seem like a lifetime ago. And as you look out in the rain, you feel the gentle gaze of your true angelic self sharing the view with you. You enjoy the experience of being the true you, you cant help wondering …… what now ? What sort of dreams will we dream up together my god essence and I ?

Now that I have a ever growing awareness inside me, now that I hold this new powerful love and frequency. Now that I have deeper understanding inside my DNA. Now that I have stepped thought the airport security door and boarded the plane of experiential ascension. Where to now ? What am I capable of , what world will unfold before my feet? What sort of physical experience does a limitless being create ?

Looking through the rain you feel excited  at what could lie before you, at the same time you are calm and quiet …..
What’s the rush , you are in the eternal now !

And you will never be alone again !
Nathan Raaths