Triggered

My friend Jean got me thinking last night. A statement he made resonated with me, “It is my shamanic inclination to perturb the system.”

I have always been fascinated the way certain people trigger others into strong social responses. I started off at a young age avoiding these people, I had very stormy waters within, and I found these people to be unnecessary and inconsiderate.
In later years as my inner waters stilled more and more I begun to perceive the whole thing from a different angle. Was it possible that these social rejects were actually a shamanic expression in action. As if the Divine Expression grew these flowers in humanity to keep the garden from getting stagnant.
This was one of my first revelations to how chaos would slowly reveal itself as divine perfection to me.

I think I spent so much time observing people in this way, in the way that we consistently trigger each other’s unresolved shadows and wounds, it is no surprise I created what I did.
I walked into my Varsity dorm room on the first day and I was introduced to “Johan” my well rounded hardworking Christian roommate from Pretoria. He was fanatically devout to Jesus and avoiding all things dark, which I soon realised was pretty much anything in his perception.
Of course it was not long until I heard about the evil man who lived across the hall from us. The students spoke about him in the lunch area with deep fear that I seldom saw. Of course this led me to a simple conclusion I had to meet this man. The man that openly admits, to being a child of the dark.
The meeting was very odd indeed. I saw this long-haired, completely tattoo-covered creature, and as he walked people actually moved away and began to whisper. It looked very lonely to be him.

I walked up to him and started to speak to him. He looked me up and down with serious distaste. We were like chalk and cheese. I don’t remember much of what he said to me, but I do remember him calling me a bulky Tarzan-looking bunny hugger (I had long hair).
The insults just flowed with such grace.
I waited for him to stop, and when he did he paused to wait for my reaction. He was almost cautious to see if I would respond aggressively…
I found some of what he said to be so brilliant, he dissected me so brutally and with great observation, I just burst out laughing.
I put my arm around him, and when he asked “What the fuck are you doing?”, I replied “I am hugging a bunny.”
It was a really weird first meeting but we both ended up walking to Lithographic class together
Keegan was a body piercer and he was covered in tattoos. He had about twenty rings and loops just in his face. I think the most fascinating feature was his bar code tattooed across his arm. Underneath it said, “Manufactured by Demons.”
He was quite a sight to behold!

It only took a few days for our friendship to cause problems, I was disowned by my roommate for entertaining darkness. Low and behold I was placed in a room with Keegan.
This friendship taught me so much about people. Behind these angry eyes I found a sensitive teddy bear with unimaginable cynicism, but even greater insight into the human condition.
We had endless conversations, between him snarling and scaring people on the walkways, and many a day behind closed doors I had him cry in my arms.
He was a beyond special human being. We were so freaking naughty together, naughty to the max, yet within both of us, not a single malicious bone.
He is one of the most kind and caring friends I have ever had, and he was accepting and non-judgemental on a level that we can all hope to reach one day. He carried so much pain inside him, the world from his perspective was a horrible place he could not wait to leave.

I realised watching him walk the hallways one day , people smirking and commenting as he went , what a mighty medicine the Keegan’s of this world are.
People that Source Intelligence puts amongst us, to trigger us. This causes us to face our own judgements and insecurities.
It’s a medicine in action, if you look at it from a certain perspective. Although for Keegan, I am sure a very hard path indeed.
The greatest leaps in consciousness can be made by asking yourself, why certain things trigger you. For Keegan he was merely the mirror to all the people afraid of their own darkness. There are many others that trigger us regarding, disability, sexuality and even belief. Many of us even get triggered by others behaviours as we refuse to accept our own humanness in this epic adventure of the Divine into seeming limitation.
I have found that it is quite possible to be around any ideas or behaviours without hooking into them in anyway, and when I find myself hooked in I realise that there is something I am not working through or a wound I have not healed. It is in this moment in time that perfect chaos unfolds as medicine in action.
The whole system is so perfect that those people that can trigger you on the deepest levels are usually cast as key players in your life. Lover, mother, friend or other family member.

It is often those in our lives that we conceive to cause the greatest conflict, that hold the most sacred eternal contracts with us. You would only ask someone you have a deep connection with to play such a key role. When all these pieces go back in the box, the bond will outlast any issue you chose to trigger in one another, here in this reality.
In a strange way our enemy is sometimes our best friend on a cosmic scale.

I realise today that people that are deeply at peace and assured of something can’t be triggered on it.
I want to thank Keegan for what he taught me. I know it’s only a matter of time before I get triggered again. Although I must say I think deeply now days before I fire and unload.

Nathan Raaths 

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