Who is clawing on the inside of my soul ?
We all seem to rock between two phases of soul disease .
The part where we try fill the empty void from the outside . Through eating , drinking , drugging and even sex,shopping and drama .Even trying to find love outside ourselves, trying to desperately bring it wthin Trying to fill a black hole inside with anything we can find before it consumes us.
Then the part where we try to empty the black hole inside us hoping that we can somehow rip the sickness from our souls . In desperation we expel anything that we can . From our tears , our screams our pure anger , right down to the raw cathartic act of physically purging and trying to puke the pain out ! The desperate feeling of trying to remove the pain , some even take a piece of glass to their skin !
These desperate acts of filling and overindulgence
And then purging and removal
IN and then out
Like devastating emotional tides
rising and falling
Work less each time
The black hole gapes within
These filling and expelling tides slowly rip us apart
Pushing and pulling
Stretching our souls in suffering peristaltic hells
The indigestion of the very soul
This pain can never be filled by anything from the outside
The rejected , lost and scared inner child awaits within
Tearing at your insides with fear
Ignored children scream the loudest
And its piecing cries will get louder each day
Its clawing more frantic from the inside
You can never run from , drown or fill this void gentle ones
Until you go within
And pick up your child
Until you look deep inside
And find a way to love, no matter what you find inside
no matter which parts of you where left behind
Go withing , behind silent eyes
Face the inner darkness
NO demon lies within , merely a scared lost and lonely part of yourself that wishes to be picked up and held in you safe arms, demanding love and acceptance once more
Slowly and softly as i held my child within , it melted into my loving arms
And its screams and clawing fingers gently phased away
The insanity that had consumed me was the rejection of oneself
The love and peace that now flowed flowed through me was brought back by the sleeping child
I opened my eyes to the world around me once more
Yet i knew it would never be the same
I could see for the first time
I am not alone
I am one with all things
I am whole
Shhhh little one you are tired , its time you sleep now !